Sunday, November 2, 2014

Fighting a anxiety attack

This is what the inside of my head feels like most of the time. I usually just take a Advil to help with all the pressure I feel in back of my neck.
Yesterday, while I was shopping I noticed a change in my mood and I started letting things get to me. I felt frustration while I was reading the prices from some of the items I was purchasing. When did eggs start being priced over $5.00 and I think it was when I saw the trash bags priced a little over $7 for 30-40 kitchen bags that freaked me out. I remember them priced about $3-$4, I mean I can buy a 150 bags at Sam's Club for around $10. I then went to the register and stood in line and I could feel my heartbeat race and my left hand starting to shake. I stood there and thought I was going to freak out. It wasn't just because of  the total that was going to come from my basket, mentally I prepare myself knowing that every time  I have to go grocery shopping I always total $100-$150 and sometimes that's not even buying meats. I looked at my daughter and then noticed I had a bottle of wine in the middle of all the groceries, I then realized I was going to be all right.
I am not new to a panic attack, I think it was about 14 yrs. ago I experienced something that scared me. It was around the time I had lost my grandmother (dad's mom), at that time she was my closest best friend. I also had not spoken to my mother in over a month or so ( knowing my mom and myself it was probably over something petty). I also remember feeling overwhelmed and smothered, I am pretty sure I also lost a pet at that time.
Anyway, I remember the day like it was yesterday. I was washing clothes and I was walking into my laundry room. I stepped onto the one step I have and I couldn't breath, I could not move and the inside of me felt like I wanted to scream and cry but I had no voice and no tears. I don't recall how long I stood there but it felt like a lifetime.
At my Dr.'s appointment I mentioned what had happened and he told me I had a anxiety/panic attack and prescribed pills. The funny thing was I just kept thinking of all the negatives of taking anxiety pills that I was to scared to take them. Well, as long as I can I am going to try to prolong the use of anxiety pills and have all my loved ones help keep my little wine cabinet stocked.

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