Wednesday, August 27, 2014
These past few months, I am losing interest in everything around me. I don't want to wake up, planning the meal for the day is mind boggling, cleaning is a prison sentence and it's sad to say that even watching television is stressing me out.
I look around and I know what has to get done, I just need that swift kick in the ass to find the motivation to get things started. I know I am a smart person, I love my family and pets and I am very blessed with what I have in life. Maybe if I start taking my life one day at a time, I can break free of this funk that I am in. I am going to try and change things up.
First, I will wake up and wash up and get dressed instead of staying in my pajamas for the first 2-3 hours in the morning. Second, turn on the radio instead of the television. Third, plan out my day set goals for the week and the goals for the day. Fourth, try and make a little outside time. The heat and sun are not my enemy, I might get some vitamin D from the sun. Last but not least, Think Positive. I have been such a debbie downer, it makes me sad to be me. Crossing fingers that I make this all possible and find myself in the process.
Sunday, August 24, 2014
Today, I didn't know what to make and really wasn't in the mood to cook. I remembered I had cooked ground turkey from yesterday and a opened package of wonton wraps from a failed egg drop soup recipe, I had tried to make a few days ago.
I decided I could make turkey gyoza with fried rice, I knew this was something my family loves. I shredded cabbage and mixed it with the turkey and then my daughter and I prepared the meat in the wontons and then we started to wrap them up. My daughter then tells me she would like to try and make some into egg rolls, so that's what we did. While frying up the gyozas and egg rolls I made the rice with the white rice in a bag. I scrambled up 2 eggs and just poured in the rice and some soy sauce. Dinner was ready and delicious, I could have added veggies, ham or shrimp to the rice I was just looking at what I had on hand and something fast. I say this was a success.
Wednesday, August 20, 2014
|Camp Huacos Springs|
|Me and my daughter Savannah|
|Me and my daughter Selena|
|Hubby is already in the water|
I have to admit I am the last to want to leave my house and enjoy any outdoor activities. I could be in a bad mood till I arrive to our destination and then I wonder why I pouted so much.
I have never been to this place, the hubby wanted to surprise us with a day at the river. He has been here a couple of times with a couple of his friends and said he wanted his family to enjoy this beautiful place.
We arrived early and found a perfect spot not to far from the picture I posted on top with the running water and tree in the middle of the river. I thought the water was going to be freezing cold but it was perfect, cold to the point were you can walk in and just sit. We spent a couple hours in the water and then the hubby made us hamburgers for lunch. We sat around and I read a book that I purchased on Nook ( Accidental Cowgirl).
A couple of us might have taken a nap, I wanted to but was to
This is a must watch movie, I had never heard of this movie til my sister recommended that the hubby and I watch it. I knew it had to be good since it stars 2 of my favorite actors Colin Firth and Nicole Kidman. I have to say it was more than I expected, award winning performance by Colin Firth. Based on a true story of a man not being able to let go of his torturous past and decades later coming face to face with the man that tormented him. I recommend a box of tissues it left a knot in my throat and my heart ached.
Tuesday, August 19, 2014
My parents set chores and I felt that it was like my older sister and I had to carry the house load and I never wanted my children to feel that. I started working at the age of 16 and then at 18 I became a licensed cosmetologist, I was diagnosed at the age of 22 with mixed connective tissue disease ( RA and Lupus). I was disabled at a early age and could barely take care of my babies. I think that left a lot of guilt on my shoulders because I had to have help and I felt helpless, I hated that feeling. With the help of lots of medication, I was able to get back on my feet. I wanted to feel like supermom and that I was capable of doing everything.
I look back and I start to think where I went wrong in the parenting department. I have wonderful loving daughters, I just didn't ask much from them while they were growing up. Which makes my expectations from them non-existent when it comes to housework.
It was during my girls middle school years that I did set chores, but I ended up doing them because they wanted to do them a hour before bedtime. They did do dishes once and a while. I just didn't stress that the tables had to be wiped down, the stove needed to be clean and the floors swept. I don't even want to get started on the bathrooms. Growing up I was always told that the main rooms in your house that should always be clean were the living room, kitchen and bathrooms. I have always tried to live by that rule, I just don't feel strong anymore. Mentally, I am starting to feel frustrated all the time. The worst feeling is when I feel taken advantage of, I can scream and shout and slam cabinet doors but there is really no one to blame but myself.
I have to start realizing that I have grown children that should realize what needs to be done to maintain a household. I gave 21 damn good years as a mother and wife, I gave more than my all and it's time to ask for help. Well, the one thing that I hope someone takes from reading this is set chores early on in a child's life. You are not hurting them your preparing them to be independent, clean and organized for when they move out on there own.
Monday, August 18, 2014
I watch The Real Housewife Series, I find it interesting to watch middle aged, rich and some that are pretty woman get crazy. I did not know what to think of this season of HWOOC because I couldn't figure out who were they crazy ones. I do like Heather Dubrow and her husband, which brings me to his show Botched it is a must watch and I hope they do have a season 2.
Under The Dome, well I really do like the show but I have to admit that I am confused and I just don't want it to have a ending like Lost.
I have to say that the best show is Dallas and I will probably be saying that about a lot of other shows. It's the best Monday show, hot guys, pretty woman, sex, lies and lots of conniving go on. I love that the original cast is back but Larry Hagman ( JR Ewing) is surely missed. I am so ready for the new season that I just recorded and I am waiting to watch it with my daughter.
I would go crazy without my DVR, I just wish they could have programmed it to record 2 shows at the same time while still being able to change channels and watch a different show.
Sunday, August 17, 2014
I had to leave the house today due to boredom from the last 2 days. I received a call from my hubby and he asked, " Guess what I'm eating?" Brisket was my guess since I knew my BIL ( brother-in law) made the best brisket. Well... I was wrong!!! The hubby started listing ribs, sausage, chicken, baked potatoes,rice, beans and pasta. I may not have been hungry at the time but when I saw this pic that my SIL posted on her instagram, I was like " save me a plate!!!"
My daughter and I returned home a couple hours later and I swear I felt like a renaissance queen or a very fortunate peasant, I placed a little bit of everything on one plate and I still could not finish all the food. Just my luck, I receive a text from my dad Joe that said...Come over later making enchiladas.
My mom called and asked who's coming over and all I could say was, "Selena and me and tell dad he doesn't have to make a lot".
Saturday, August 16, 2014
I have used facetime with my girls and I have tried skype once before, today was different I found myself brushing my hair and putting on some make up for my skype time with my nephew. I did not want him to think his auntie looked like a horrible mess like most days. In the back of my head I know that we are talking through a video but I just wanted to hold him , pinch his cheeks and make all those silly faces adults make.
Friday, August 15, 2014
I know the title of my blog highlights movies and tv shows and I will be posting about that, because that is a big part of my life. I have other interest so my blog will have a mix of things.
Awhile back the hubby said our patio needed a light, I have looked around and I have not found what I like and what I like is expensive.
Two weeks ago I decluttered my kitchen and found this wire basket that looks like a pitcher. I was going to donate it to goodwill or have a yard sale with all the stuff I took out of my kitchen, I still need to declutter each room.
Anyway, I started to think about how much I like this basket and where else I could use it in the house. I ended up using this old metal outside light I had bought for $5 years ago. I trimmed all around the edges of the metal part til I had the size I wanted and inserted in the opening of the pitcher. I secured it so that the lightbulb part would not fall out and then hung it up and I am happy with the outcome.
I really wished I would have paid more attention to family members that have gone through their 40's. I feel at times that I am losing my mind and since I spent my 20's and half of my 30's medicated ( for a illness) , I am fighting so hard to stay away from anxiety or depression pills. I am starting to realize that there is nothing that a glass of wine can't fix.
Honestly, it was when I turned 41 that I noticed my first sign. I started wishing I had longer arms just so I could read my texts. Now, I carry reading glasses in my purse and I have them placed around the house for easy access. My second sign was that "what" ,"I didn't hear you" and " can you say that again " became common in my everyday conversations.
The last couple months of 42, I noticed my patience was running low, I guess I have always been impatient but now it is literally hanging by a thread. I know about menopause, I am not stupid. I think it was when I heard the words pre menopausal from my doctor that everything starting falling into place or in my case out of place. There are days were I feel like I am walking around in a sauna, I am easily frustrated to the point that I yell or could verbally hurt someone and at times I feel like my body/mind is taken over by a alien. All I hear now is, "what's wrong?" and that really makes me want to scream. I love my family but alone time is now starting to feel like a vacation. I had to ask my hubby " how old I was today" I still thought I was 42 when he said 43, I was like....really!!!
I am 43 and at times I scare myself with my mood swings, if I was my friend or family member I would not want to hang around me. Wine sweet wine is something that I am starting to look forward too. I am not that bad right now but a glass or two once or twice a week helps me out alot. The scary thing is turning 45, if I need wine now I am going to have to get my hubby started on building me a wine cellar.